A smelly predicament...

I woke up this morning and headed for work at my customary 5:55am. I'm never fully awake and kind of zombie walk to my car. This time when I got around the corner though I was fully awakened by a black and white friend. A skunk... He was sitting right at my drivers side door so about 5 feet away. I don't know who was more surprised... him or me!?! Now... the next thoughts that went through my head occured in the blink of an eye. My first thought was to run away screaming like a little girl. My next thought was to run away... but scream with a more "manly" tone. That thought was then followed by SLOWLY backing away, not breaking eye contact. All reasonable thoughts with their own merits. However, I did get one last thought. This could be the lil bastard that tore up my lawn last fall in one night... AND he was going to make me late for work!! So... with that in mind, I did an extremely brave and moronic thing. I started trying to shoe it away by waving my arms, stamping my feet and giving little charges. This in turn led to the skunk turning it's back to me. Now in a normal animal... this would mean I had won and it was running away. However, skunks are NOT normal animals. By turning it's back to me, it essentially said "You are about to have a VERY bad day". As I saw the skunk slowly raise it's tail, new thoughts went streaming through my mind like "Gee, I sure hope I have a lot of tomato juice in the house to bath in", and "hmmm.. I wonder if the bomb sniffers at work will alarm when I walk through them?". But the main thought I had in my head was "Why oh WHY did I not run away?!?!". As the tail reached it's maximum hight, I swear that the skunk turned to look back at me and grinned, then I heard a little "pfft" and a lil cloud of smoke rose from the butt of my would be tormentor. Then ever so slowly, the tail AND the face of the skunk began to drop with the realization that he was out his ever so powerful poop juice! Armed with that knowledge, a new sense of bravery engulfed me and I charged this animal a 20th of my size!!! He skittered under the car, rolled under my van and dashed into the road. For once in my life, I wished we lived on a slightly more busy street... like the QEW or maybe the european autobon. Oh well... maybe next time he'll get hit for not looking both ways.

So that's my story and I'm sticking to it...

I'm Shaun McLaren. Thank You and Good Night.